It’s quite terrific to start a day with fear. I could not sleep last night, the thought of someone being close to me, or someone coming to get me out of this was constantly keeping me awake. But who would I expect to come? I was just there like all other nights, alone and these creepy thoughts, taking over again! I don’t even want to think of going to school and get lost.
Mom was gone by then, I was dressed in my school uniform but this time, I wasn’t heading to school. I took a bus to Swayambhu, which is about 7kms from my house. Took a window seat, the sun peeking through the pane. This city never looked more beautiful. Everyone was rushing to where they had to reach and I was there going on like I had nothing to lose nor to be late for. It was still scary if anyone would suspect or I would get caught but, it has never been easy! “just a teenage girl” everybody would show concern about me being alone, not what is going on with me! Bunch of people getting in and getting out the ring road traffic, and yet the city never stops. A fifteen minutes ride, and now I have to walk all the way up. Well, it’s not the temple I am headed to, its a place you reach when you take the sidewalk and go along the road. Monkeys surround you like you are a treasure they just found, it’s quite cold there because of the shades the trees cast, cold breeze and at the same time sun hits me back on.
it has been there for as long as I can remember. I have been here a lot of time, somedays on my own and somedays with everyone wishing grief. After some time to the walk, I am finally there to the graveyard. This is the only place I feel alive, in between the dead! This place is more lively than any other. There always are flowers blooming and birds cheering, there are names of the dead carved in stones; quite rusty when you run your fingers through the names of the dead. Sometimes I meet people who I can feel, who I feel like I have known forever like we share the same grief of losing a loved one forever. But today it was just me with all these people down in their eternal peace. I sit down by a corpse, run my finger through the craved stone. My tears have now dried up after years, maybe because I cried for way too long, they dried up. I pull out the flowers I plucked on my way from my pocket and place them by the side.
I had a whole day left. So I went around plucking flowers and placing them on every grave. It took me about two hours until I sat in between the deads, the only place I feel alive. I take out a piece of paper from my pocket in which I had written a poem for my dad.
“I know you’re here,
in the skies, you shine,
just outside my window,
imagining your homely embrace,
I wish you were here,
even when I know you are in safe heaven.
I have known being born is lethal,
unfathomable truth of which life speaks
that you are gone when you are still around,
लेखक : Santosh Lamichhane
मिती : November, 2018
लेखक : एन. पी. खतिवडा
मिती : 2016
लेखक : Laxmi Prasad Devkota
मिती : Evergreen
लेखक : Santosh Lamichhane
मिती : September, 2015